blog.
When Things Are Not Okay
Though things may not okay, circumstances are but temporary, while the joy of the Lord is not. Calling upon Your name today, as I try to remember who I am in You, even when all else in life fails me. Because things are not okay, when you are missing. I invite You, Jesus, into the broken & empty areas of life, where I've left abandoned & forgotten. Would you renew me, Lord. Because I trust that the parts of me that have once been broken, are that much more beautiful when made whole again.
The Truth of I Am.
Excruciatingly long seasons,
Seemingly unproductive steps towards success,
Hidden fears & disappointment towards God,
Apathy at its finest...
The Art of Letting Go
I want to look into the eyes of Jesus & want Him more than I want anything.
& even if I am left with nothing, if I am stripped of all hope & promises, if I just have Him, then I am wholly satisfied.
I want to love God with all that I have, though it may not be much, & though it may cost me everything.
I want to fight for You, till the ends of the earth, I want to fight for You. Not for Your promises, not for Your blessings, not for the things You can offer me, but You & You alone- the presence that sustains me for eternity.
& although right now it hurts to let go, I want to trust You enough, Daddy, to give it up.
All of Me, for All of You
I want to fight for you.
I want to give you all of me, every whole or broken piece of me, until the day I acquire the fullness of what you promised me - You.
Though what I have to offer may be little and quite lacking; though what you give me in return is immeasurably greater; though what you deserve is much more than I can ever carry… You are enough for me to trade all of me, for all of you.
In Heaven's Eyes
He is a reality. & the idea of Heaven- of HOME- is such a real place, a real ending (or beginning). It is a tangible & undeniable reward that we, she, gets to enjoy for eternity.
I loved my grandma- with every ounce of guilt, with every second of laughter that I had with her. But God loved her first. & she confidently loved Him back. & that is truth- the only truth that locks itself with the hands of eternity.
Sung In Soon (08.12.1931 ~ 12.24.2017)
Like a Child Again
A simple 30 second prayer later, she looks at me, smiling.
"It doesn't hurt! I just feel a tingly feeling in my knee but that's about it!"
"Well, is it still bleeding?""Nothing's leaking through my band-aid, so no!"
We laugh together.
Her eyes, wide open, twinkling with an inkling of hope for a better life.
12.16.2016
Is it called naivity
If I'm excited about what's to come
Even when it seems imaginary
Dreaming with God
It wasn't that God was giving me a greater destiny according to how faithful I was.
Someone needed to grasp hold of His dream in order to claim it as their own, & I was simply the one who said yes.
I hadn't earned my destiny, God had gifted me with one from the very beginning.
I didn't deserve it, & I most definitely wasn't more qualified than anyone else around me.
& if I had chosen to walk away, my destiny would not have changed.
Until Marriage
I told God one day about 2 years ago to teach me how to love ministry more than I love anything else in the world. Even my dancing. Not ministry, as in the one retreat, or the one Sunday service, or the one church that I attend. But ministry, as in living my life day to day being careful & aware of what His heart is aching to do & who His heart is aching for. & then carrying that out, even if that means surrendering my own desires, my time, my energy, & my leisure in order to do it.
Wrestling with God
I strongly believe that one can only wrestle with God if they have the friendship & relationship with Him to be able to go to Him & say,
"God, I know you want me to live in this way, but I can't seem to fully surrender myself to that, so would you equip me (whatever that may look like- even if it's different from my expectations) in a way where my name, my very identity, every inch of my bones is in perfect tune with your plans for me."